A pity party: February 2014

If I die and will go to Heaven (which is pretty doubtful), I will sit there by the river together with my perished cat Nicki.
He used to wait for me on the river bank, often hiding in the hollow of an old oak tree, and when I appeared, jumped out of the hollow to the branch. He was the most common gray tabby, forestry and homeless at the same time. I cared for and fed many cats, but he was my dearest one ever. Every evening I came back to feed him, to hug him, in winter I tried to warm him up. Sometimes he did not show up for days or even weeks and it was a great joy to see his gray little shadow racing back to our secret place.
My cat lived four years, and then he was killed, I don't know by whom and how. Sometimes such things happened there. In the anime 'Haibane Renmei', there is a touching episode when one of main heroines finds a skeleton of a bird, buries it and asks for forgiveness. I would also like to find his small grave and ask for his forgiveness for not having saved his fragile life and his little loving heart.
Unfortunately, that day there was no angel around.