Graveworm - Abandoned By Heaven

"Life is easier than you'd think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable."
Kathleen Norris

Despair fills my soul...and fear... and I waste time... I'm afraid I'll never see a blue sky above my head the way I did so long ago...A blue sky and a birch grove nearby...A blue sky and pine branches above the small fringe where I came to cry everyday... Even then I sensed more life in me and my forest was comforting me... I still believed then that the nightmare will be over soon and I'll be fine and I'll run away and get a new wonderful life, free of past mistakes and all the bad feelings. Didn't I understand then that it could end only with my life's ending?

Anathema - Lost control

Also one of mу favorite bands back in the days...

In the movie I have heard the birds singing, as they sing at dawn in the summer.                           In vain I hope that someday they will sound the same for me, as in those early calm days.  I remember the chanting of the nightingale above the dark sleeping river, on the branch of the slumbering willow, in the glow of the sapphire night sky, at the place where my heart lived, that has become a part of me, where my already broken to pieces soul could find sanctuary and a short rest. But the place, a nightingale, a branch of a tree, a human heart ... there is no fairness in this life.

Funny and sad.

 Today is a religious holiday but I totally forgot of it, though I have heard of it just a few hours ago. So rare I listen to Dimmu Borgir nowadays but something made me listen to it exactly today. What guides us? It is a very small thing but still revealing.

Dimmu Borgir - In Death's Embrace

 To what shall I compare this life of ours?
         Even before I can say
         it is like a lightning flash or a dewdrop
         it is no more.

                           -    Sengai

Hypocrisy - The Final Chapter

Graveworm- When The Sky Turns Black with lyrics

Stand alone in the night

Sorrow in your mind

Tears in your eyes

Destroy your inner faith

Faces of death before your mind

Insanity for all the time

God will cry for your soul

Your heart is seeing black

Heaven of love is waiting you

Let us fly to the sky

End of life for every soul

All the same...

The river

The river again

-

All I can try to do...

“I loved you madly; in the distasteful work of the day, in the wakeful misery of the night, girded by sordid realities, or wandering through Paradises and Hells of visions into which I rushed, carrying your image in my arms, I loved you madly.”

Charles Dickens, The Mystery of Edwin Drood

"Until the whole world is free to agree with you or disagree with you, until you have given the freedom to everyone to like you or not like you, to love you or hate you, to see things as you see them, or to see things differently - until you have given the whole world its freedom - you'll never have your freedom"
~ Adyashanti

Evening walk...

I wish...

I surrender. .. Ghost light was better than total darkness ... foolish hopes were better than voidness and silence ... Live the moment ... But how much is the moment in the dark desert worth, under empty pitiless skies, where even the stars can't be seen...

“I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world.”
― Charles Dickens, David Copperfield

-

"Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, contentment, or even common sense."

Mere Christianity
C. S. Lewis

"Splinters in the heart, invisibly and erratically painful: this is how Fern has thought of her accumulating sorrows.... But perhaps they are more like the seeds inside a brightly patterned gourd, beyond germination but essential to the wholeness of the gourd itself."

-- Julia Glass, Three Junes

Swan roundel

You're like a wolf tearing a wounded animal in the woods. But nothing matters anymore...

Manowar - Brothers of Metal (live) HD720p

 talking of Manowar - great video...

.. like an anthem of life I dreamed to live, was walking around it, never reached it and now...

:)

Cold winds blow but the cricket chirping is still in the air. This endless vespertine chant sounds as if the night is still warm. The crickets soon will vanish and there will be silence instead of this entrancing, gentle melody of the rhythm of life. But today, their song is still soothing, evoking forgotten memories and peace.

Children, children, have no fear
Soon we all will disappear...

Helloween - Nabataea

Helloween Hold Me In Your Arms

I wish it was possible just for a minute, for a second... And then comes  the end of my story. I am tired to suffer, I am not fighting anymore, only drowning deeper and deeper...All hope is gone...

"It is hard to have patience with people who say,ʿThere is no deathʾ and ʿDeath doesn't matter.ʾ There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter."

~A Grief Observed. C. S. Lewis

My soul sounds so differently, so differently from yours. My love to you made me blind...But unneeded feeling is fading in the wind...I stay behind being poisoned, black, hopeless, desperate, waiting for my bitter end. There is no hope, no love, no salvation for me...It has to be so... I can't change anything...Just to fade like a ghost in the morning light...

Limbonic Art - Interstellar Overdrive

One more black spot on my soul ...
I will never break away ...
It's too late ...

Deathrow (No Regrets) by Hypocrisy

I'm scared... I'll never escape and I'm losing the last thing...My dream was nothing but an insane illusion,  my weak faith in deliverance and happiness was just a confusing night dream... All the light in my life  has been extinguished. And now goes out the last little flame that reflected my tormented soul...

HYPOCRISY - End Of Disclosure (OFFICIAL LYRIC VIDEO)

"In Answer" by Wang Wei (699-759 AD)

In these quiet years growing calmer,
Lacking knowledge of the world’s affairs,
I stop worrying how things will turn out.
My quiet mind makes no subtle plans.
Returning to the woods I love
A pine-tree breeze rustles in my robes.
Mountain moonlight fills the lute’s bowl,
Shows up what learning I have left.
If you ask what makes us rich or poor
Hear the Fisherman’s voice float to shore.
Zen poem

Hypocrisy - The Return

I feel like I have no right to anything. No right to look at the sunset sky, to see crystal stars, to inhale March wind, to listen to cawing of crows when the winter night descends...When did this feeling appear? Perhaps it has always existed, lived in my heart for ages...I have no right even to think about you, to see you in my dreams...It hurts and it is so hard to leave you behind...
I can't even be the center of my own universe, to say nothing of someone's ... And never could, though all was well then.....
But I wanted only silence and solitude for too long...far too long...
There are no ways back for me anymore...My crows flew away and did not carry off my soul on their unsightly black wings..
If only I could return to that time when spring wind was still refreshing, sky was dark-blue and magnificent, vague hopes were still alive...When the black bird in my heart has not yet spread its wings.
I will never embrace you..


.

Hypocrisy - Paranormal Mysteria

“As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods.
They kill us for their sport.”
―from "King Lear"

“And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.”

-- Nora Ephron, Heartburn

“People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception.”
― James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room

Pictures don't fit the song at all.

Now nothing matters, doesn't matter if I ever get out.
And I just can't do this, simply can't and you're not waiting for me at the end of the road, only the gray skies, rain and emptiness -  my paradise and peace, my highest award... Silence, oblivion, tears and healing loneliness. I have only one moment, there is no past and no future, only a moment...All the memories of you should be burned out from my heart...

Out of context

Solar Fields - Confusion Illusion (Remastered) [RED]

Dedicated to you, you were an illusion for me or I am just an illusion of the universe that fades away...

''UNTIL SILENCE'' TARJA TURUNEN (SUBTITULADO AL ESPAÑOL)

One more strike. This would be even funny already, if it did not tear my soul apart...

Schiller feat. Peter Heppner – Dream Of You

I guess it is time for me to fade away... My beloved creatures it was your fate, your tragic fate, even small innocent creatures have it. Your short time ran out. Mine will be over soon too. I'm too tired, light of my soul extinguishes.

Forgive me...

Dream of you meant so much to me...
It was helping me to breathe, to exist, despite all the horror, pain, humiliation, despite of the fact that I lost everything I loved, became a victim, in spite of all the hell, bleeding wound inside of me...
I was imagining you being close to me and the pain was receding...
I saw myself being happy, joyous, free, and my heart was not aching with sorrow, it was full of pure light...
Now it is all over...
Forgive me, forgive me for dreaming of you...
You would never ease my pain and it was never your fault...
Farewell...
Forgive me...

"Every love story is a potential grief story. If not at first, then later. If not for one, then for the other. Sometimes, for both.

"So why do we constantly aspire to love? Because love is the meeting point of truth and magic."
-- Julian Barnes, Levels of Life

My boring hobby 2 (something is rumpled and almost everything I do not like)

 

 

                  

Partial stitch

Polyester threads

Cotton threads

Partial stitch