So this venomous sharing of feelings ended.
Sometimes I feel tempted to go back to it as dog to its vomit, but not as much as before. But I keep feeling myself as a donor of vigor and vitality too often, while I have so little of it.  It's so difficult to fall in healing dreams for a while and to maintain the weak  flame of faith in a good outcome.  It's like a black wing blows out this twinkle.
Too grandiose dreams, too bright and joyful. Too late I realized that I deserved it all, deserved as all the other people do. But I looked at myself through the distorting mirror for so many years. Lots of sharp splinters of that mirror still remain within me.
And I don't wish, I can no longer be chained to you. Except of pain, poison and despair nothing unites us. I still need a second chance to break out of this cage, spread my wings, fly up into the sky. There was good in me before a black tide dragged me into the abyss.
Please open the cage.