If I'd met you before that March day that destroyed me, still you would never love me. In any case, it's too late now to guess. I don't deserve your love. Whom did I save eventually, whom did I help? I think it all turned out to be the opposite. If I wasn't there, they would have lived. No matter how hard I tried.  And now the death of an innocent creature before my eyes...Just a crunch, just a sound, just a moment...

That's good, you're not with me, and never will be. They never give medals and Princes Charming for suffering and even compassion is not guaranteed. I am not worthy of you,  there is no single good feature in me. That March extinguished all the light inside of me. Misery does not ennoble, it only disfigures. My soul is torn into pieces, you would never like it...Dead soul, dead heart, stillborn feeling to you ... And I'm still here, dwelling in despair, pain, horror, humiliation. I'm walking my way to hell, if I was handed a prescription there. You would never  be able to remove the black spot from my soul. We'll never be together and it's a blessing to you. 

  

I'm so hurt, he was not supposed to perish...