Despair fills my soul...and fear... and I waste time... I'm afraid I'll never see a blue sky above my head the way I did so long ago...A blue sky and a birch grove nearby...A blue sky and pine branches above the small fringe where I came to cry everyday... Even then I sensed more life in me and my forest was comforting me... I still believed then that the nightmare will be over soon and I'll be fine and I'll run away and get a new wonderful life, free of past mistakes and all the bad feelings. Didn't I understand then that it could end only with my life's ending?